My mac has but 25% of battery juice left. My time to blog is limited.

Currently, I'm chilling here in the library waiting for all of my boyfriend's videos to load onto my computer (it's draining the bajeezus out of my poor mac)

I've been here waiting and toiling over a hot computer for over an hour to figure out how to put video footage from a basic camcorder onto a mac. Easier said than done. When I was finally able to retrieve the files, they weren't even play-able on this mac! I've had to install 2 different kinds of software to convert the files and here I am now. Waiting. This is the first time I've had to WAIT for my mac.

Really, I'm spoiled. I expect that anything technology based will load quickly and painlessly. I don't expect to wait for anything when it comes to technology for more than five seconds. Unfortunately I expect the same from life in general that I do from technology.

I'm always so impatient; always expecting that conditions or people can change faster than someone can snap their fingers. I've had so many patient people who've dealt with me, so I should be able to do the same.


Anyways,
This next week is going to be insane. Two presentations and three tests all jam packed in the first three days! My goal to get a little ahead by cracking down this weekend is already kind of failing thanks to that stupid camcorder. The boyfriend owes me. Alot. Dinner and a movie would be nice. Too bad he's not a subscriber on here. I don't think he even knows I have a blog. Hah.

I was planning on getting a good deal done before the night draws near. I'm going to a toga party tonight. It's going to be a small get together. Not too huge which is good for me. I despise most huge gatherings as they are dangerous, overcrowded, and smell putrid. I'll know (just about) everybody there and hey, why not wear sheets on my body for just one night?!



I think all 3 gb are finally loaded. Thank God.


Ciao ^_^

Take me for who I am.

I am so sick of feeling the pressure to change something about me just to get someone else's approval only to find out that another person doesn't like that version of me. It's a vicious cyclone I've been riding as long as I can remember.

And it's only gotten worse since I've gotten to college. I have to be one person for professor, but wait, that person is to ditzy. So I change it. Then I'm too uptight and no fun for my class mates. "You should try harder" from one person...then I get a "stop worrying and stressing yourself out" from the same person. How can I be what someone else wants me to be. Why can't I just develop my own concept of who I want to be? I know it's not ultimately up to me, but seriously, can I get some support for me being me?

Maybe I'm just far too passionate for this world. Music is all I know. I can't do anything else. Nothing. If there's something I believe in, I am going to stand by it no matter what. If there's something that I'm excited about, everyone will probably know I'm excited. When I'm upset, it's a whole new level of sadness. My highs sky rocket and my lows are gastronomically low. The point is, I'm happy with me. I don't have any intentions of changing me. Sure I can change the way I do certain things, but I refuse to become a different person because of other people.

STRESSSTRESSSTRESS!

Today COULD be a day of heavy pressure and stress, but I'm going to make it a day of pure motivation. I have so much due in the next week for just one class and don't know how I'll get it done, but it's going to get done. I'm so stinking motivated to do well.

I figure that as much as I love my euphonium, I have to put it aside for this week. I'll still practice everyday, but forget that 2-3 hours a day; at least for this week.

This week is going to be interesting, but I want to come out on top. I just hope my lesson with my professor goes well considering I feel like I've gotten little accomplished in the past week. I wish he could understand that my life doesn't revolve around playing as much as I love it. I wish he would come to accept that I don't want to be a starving musician, but a happy music therapist. I hope when I try to explain myself today at approximately 3:30, he doesn't take it as a lame excuse for me being lazy. I HATE being accused of being lazy. There's nothing worse in my book, besides being called a failure.


Here goes nothing. I have a meeting in less than 9 minutes.

I need to type on here more. Yes I do. I feel better already.


Thank you, God!

Guys and Alcohol

It's been a long time since I've been on here. Too long.

I suppose it's because I only go on here because I'm upset. So on the one hand, I guess it's a good thing that I haven't been truly upset in a while.

So I'm watching the super bowl and such, watching the Steelers lose. Depressing. Anyways, I'm enjoying good drink and being merry when a chap I haven't seen in months sends me this text message telling me I am the reason he has left college and bashing my significant other. I did not appreciate this and instead of doing the right thing and ignoring it, the "merry" side of me kept trying to reason with him. Following this conversation was a whole string of phone calls from this chap. I kept ignoring it and told him my phone was dying when he played the " you hate me, I hate myself" card.

Too bad I fall for that kind of thing all of the time....this time in particular.

It has created a terrible situation, a dramatic scene in the car with my significant other. I'm so sick of this. Any argument we have gotten into has to do with my stupid compassion.

Where there's smoke, there's fire.




Whatever, I've lost my flair. I don't know what else to write.