An overwhelming chaos.

See that title? Lately, that's what life feels like. Yep. I swear, I'm not exaggerating here. Just when I think I've gotten caught up with everything, some other huge project blows up in my face. Perfect.

I'm losing more and more sleep, I'm losing focus, I'm grumpy, I'm unmotivated, and worst of all, I continue to drown in work. My jury piece sucks. Let's be honest here, it's pretty much pathetic. My lips are through. My chops are burning out. I'm tired of spending 4 hours a day playing in JUST ensembles. By the time I'm done, practicing seems impossible.

My guitar skills still blow. ( Thanks to the AWESOME fill in we had for that teacher this semester who couldn't play even if she wanted to). I'm developing bad habits, and poor playing techniques.

I'm tired of my class. They're all so immature and childish sometimes. They float along with this naive gaiety. Their mommy and daddy are paying for them to be here. What do they care?

I hate hate hate hate hate theory II. God only knows how the hell I'll make it to theory IV. I have a composition project due next week and I don't even know where to start.

Worst of all, I'm getting physically ill just thinking about how awful it will be when I go home to my family for the summer. I'm unsure of how everything is going to work out right now. I need a car, I need to have access to my apartment NOW. I don't want to go home again where I'll be treated like a child with adult responsibilities. I'll be asked where exactly I'm going, who's going with me, why I didn't wait until marriage, why I feel free with my words, why I hate church. Ughhh, the anticipation is making me want to vomit. Literally.

I'm getting nothing accomplished doing this.

I should go get to work.

So long.