Whenever I think that the negatives in my life are bigger than the positive, everything falls apart. This calls for a list of all of the ways I am blessed.
....but let's just see a list of quick negatives
-I scheduled my work times all wrong with concert times and dress rehearsals. The next two weekends I won't be able to work 4 shifts. NOT GOOD. My ass is on the line for being fired (probably..it's not like I bring anything great to the store)
-My throat feels swollen.
-My lips feel like cardboard and my playing is very difficult and inconsistent to say the least.
-I also have developed a nice large cold sore in the center of my bottom lip. Hooray.
-Shin splints. I just keep running on them to stick to my plan and they keep getting worse.
-Lately I get the idea that some people I thought I was close to only like me because they know I'll listen and bend over backwards for them. While this is true, I'd like to think that the friendship could be reciprocated. One sided friendships are lame.
-I'm getting super dark lately..on a lot of matters and people.
-My level of self pity is going through the roof.
I'd better stop there.
Now, some ways in which I am blessed.
-I have a job (for the time being) and I make my own money. I appreciate its' value and as a result am more grateful for what little I have unlike some college kids who's parents pay for everything.
-My body is still functioning normally for the most part. My organs are in good health, I'm not struggling with any type of disease, I have two fine legs that still take me places, you get the point.
-This callas on my lips is surely not permanent. Neither is the cold sore.
-People are always going to disappoint you. That's why He's here for me. Plus, not everyone I talk to is like the way I mentioned above.
-This darkness is probably just a phase and a result of stress, little sleep, and being overworked.
I feel better already!
....sort of...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Lent
I have decided that this year there will be two things that I give up: Pop and facebook.
Two things that aren't good or beneficial to me at all. The pop will be no problem. I don't usually buy it to put in my fridge but any time I go out to eat, go to a party, or even take a trip to the vending machine, I usually go for that diet whatever.
A facebook fast for 1 month and 15 days is going to be a whole other animal to tackle, but I think I can do it. Better yet, I think it will make me a better person. Seriously, how many people do I think I know, then realize that I only really know them through facebook? Lame. I need to connect with people around me through real conversation. I need to learn more about others because they told me personally, not because I saw it on some networking site.
I figure that I'll be on here a lot as a result...here and twitter. Be prepared for my excessive blogging for the next 40-some days.
ciao
Two things that aren't good or beneficial to me at all. The pop will be no problem. I don't usually buy it to put in my fridge but any time I go out to eat, go to a party, or even take a trip to the vending machine, I usually go for that diet whatever.
A facebook fast for 1 month and 15 days is going to be a whole other animal to tackle, but I think I can do it. Better yet, I think it will make me a better person. Seriously, how many people do I think I know, then realize that I only really know them through facebook? Lame. I need to connect with people around me through real conversation. I need to learn more about others because they told me personally, not because I saw it on some networking site.
I figure that I'll be on here a lot as a result...here and twitter. Be prepared for my excessive blogging for the next 40-some days.
ciao
Monday, March 7, 2011
The power of His love
Wow..
WOW.
I have a pretty lengthy story...Here goes.
So this past week pretty much sucked for me, at least that's what I thought. On Thursday, I had this literature review that I should have turned in BY Thursday. Guess what, I was just starting it Thursday morning; a typical thing as of lately. Anyways, I went to the library super early, went to my one class, skipped my next class to go to the library again, then I had to go to a doctor's appointment.
After all of this I had to rush to brass ensemble. I'm way over on credits to take this ensemble as a class, but it still matters to me and I put a lot of time and effort into it. I got there a little late and realized that I wasn't even playing the first piece they were running in rehearsal. I tuned with them, then left my euphonium in there and went outside. I had left everything I COULD be working on in my car that was very far away, but they were supposed to start the next piece in 15 minutes so I figured I'd just wait. Long story short, they spent all period on the first piece and I wasted my time waiting. I was seriously angry. I had to work at 4:30 and still had tons of work to do for this lit review.
If that wasn't bad enough, I received an e-mail from my online teacher saying the midterm project was due that day. This project involved interviewing an African American or Hispanic person over the age of 50, doing some research, then typing up a 5-7 page paper reflecting the interview and research.
Good thing I had no idea about this giant project until the day it was due and the teacher sent a friendly reminder to people who had not yet turned it in. I was terrified. I had no idea what I was going to do. I thought I did a good job keeping up with this class considering I'm taking 10 other classes that have taken a toll on me.
Nope...I failed. I was so scared of failing the class. The professor said every day late we turned it in was a 20% reduction. It was IMPOSSIBLE for me to get all of that done in a few days considering I don't even know anyone to meet the requirements for the interview. I was beside myself and sent her an e-mail pleading to not fail me. I went on SRU's website to see something amazing: April 4th- last day to withdraw from classes.
HALLELUJAH!
I thanked God for showing me this miracle. I had been praying vigorously all day for this. He answered me. Although it sucks that I don't get a refund for this class that I couldn't complete, I'm just glad it will have no effect on my grade.
I always have had a tendency to bite off more than I can chew, but I think this was God's way of telling me to STOP! Take a chance to actually enjoy college and get the most out of it.
Sunday I had such an emotional experience at CCAGF with Ethan. The minister spoke about spiritual gifts: how we must use ours. We have all been presented with one. It's a matter of using it for good. I felt shivers the rest of the service and nearly broke down in communion. When the service was over and Ethan and I got in the car to go home, I knew in my heart, the least I can do for Him that has given everything to me, is give a little back.. I have a gift for people. I really have a knack for talking and listening to others. I especially love hanging out with children. I hope to work with children for my career some day. Why the heck have I been so idle in my actions for Him? I would not be here, alive and breathing with wonderful people if it weren't for God's amazing grace.
In conclusion, I've decided that I have to start giving back somehow. I just have to figure out exactly how I'm going to do so. I've been praying for God to show me exactly what I need to do. I shall post updates as they come.
The first step I'm taking is to ask the youth minister at my home church about the youth group summer mission trip. I'd like to go as a counselor. I think it's something I'd be good at. Next step, asking my pops (the minister at my home church) about leading worship for my contemporary service every so often. They're incredibly small steps, but it's a start. I have so many resources around me. It's time to start giving back!
WOW.
I have a pretty lengthy story...Here goes.
So this past week pretty much sucked for me, at least that's what I thought. On Thursday, I had this literature review that I should have turned in BY Thursday. Guess what, I was just starting it Thursday morning; a typical thing as of lately. Anyways, I went to the library super early, went to my one class, skipped my next class to go to the library again, then I had to go to a doctor's appointment.
After all of this I had to rush to brass ensemble. I'm way over on credits to take this ensemble as a class, but it still matters to me and I put a lot of time and effort into it. I got there a little late and realized that I wasn't even playing the first piece they were running in rehearsal. I tuned with them, then left my euphonium in there and went outside. I had left everything I COULD be working on in my car that was very far away, but they were supposed to start the next piece in 15 minutes so I figured I'd just wait. Long story short, they spent all period on the first piece and I wasted my time waiting. I was seriously angry. I had to work at 4:30 and still had tons of work to do for this lit review.
If that wasn't bad enough, I received an e-mail from my online teacher saying the midterm project was due that day. This project involved interviewing an African American or Hispanic person over the age of 50, doing some research, then typing up a 5-7 page paper reflecting the interview and research.
Good thing I had no idea about this giant project until the day it was due and the teacher sent a friendly reminder to people who had not yet turned it in. I was terrified. I had no idea what I was going to do. I thought I did a good job keeping up with this class considering I'm taking 10 other classes that have taken a toll on me.
Nope...I failed. I was so scared of failing the class. The professor said every day late we turned it in was a 20% reduction. It was IMPOSSIBLE for me to get all of that done in a few days considering I don't even know anyone to meet the requirements for the interview. I was beside myself and sent her an e-mail pleading to not fail me. I went on SRU's website to see something amazing: April 4th- last day to withdraw from classes.
HALLELUJAH!
I thanked God for showing me this miracle. I had been praying vigorously all day for this. He answered me. Although it sucks that I don't get a refund for this class that I couldn't complete, I'm just glad it will have no effect on my grade.
I always have had a tendency to bite off more than I can chew, but I think this was God's way of telling me to STOP! Take a chance to actually enjoy college and get the most out of it.
Sunday I had such an emotional experience at CCAGF with Ethan. The minister spoke about spiritual gifts: how we must use ours. We have all been presented with one. It's a matter of using it for good. I felt shivers the rest of the service and nearly broke down in communion. When the service was over and Ethan and I got in the car to go home, I knew in my heart, the least I can do for Him that has given everything to me, is give a little back.. I have a gift for people. I really have a knack for talking and listening to others. I especially love hanging out with children. I hope to work with children for my career some day. Why the heck have I been so idle in my actions for Him? I would not be here, alive and breathing with wonderful people if it weren't for God's amazing grace.
In conclusion, I've decided that I have to start giving back somehow. I just have to figure out exactly how I'm going to do so. I've been praying for God to show me exactly what I need to do. I shall post updates as they come.
The first step I'm taking is to ask the youth minister at my home church about the youth group summer mission trip. I'd like to go as a counselor. I think it's something I'd be good at. Next step, asking my pops (the minister at my home church) about leading worship for my contemporary service every so often. They're incredibly small steps, but it's a start. I have so many resources around me. It's time to start giving back!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
10 Current Confessions
1. I think the sound of a saxophone is sexy...sometimes.
2. My procrastination is getting out of control.
3. I've been so unhappy lately probably because my schedule doesn't allow me to work out as much as I would like to.
4. I have a lit review due soon that I should be working on.
5. I'm currently skipping class to do this lit review.
6. Paleness intimidates me. I'm afraid to look like my natural self. I feel vulnerable that way. All of my flaws are more obvious.
7. I CANNOT stand showoffs. I have zero tolerance for that. I don't care how brilliant or talented you are. Show your gifts when necessary. This is the reason why I didn't feel too bad about skipping class today. Some people are a little too eager to show how amazing they are. News flash: there are other people in the class who have just as much, if not more, talent in that area than you, so get the fuck over yourself.
8. Excuses, schmexmuses.
9. I wish I could find the drive within me to work harder all of the time, not just when I desperately need to.
10. I can't wait until I have a few seconds to spend some QT with the bf. Lately, that concept is a rarity.
2. My procrastination is getting out of control.
3. I've been so unhappy lately probably because my schedule doesn't allow me to work out as much as I would like to.
4. I have a lit review due soon that I should be working on.
5. I'm currently skipping class to do this lit review.
6. Paleness intimidates me. I'm afraid to look like my natural self. I feel vulnerable that way. All of my flaws are more obvious.
7. I CANNOT stand showoffs. I have zero tolerance for that. I don't care how brilliant or talented you are. Show your gifts when necessary. This is the reason why I didn't feel too bad about skipping class today. Some people are a little too eager to show how amazing they are. News flash: there are other people in the class who have just as much, if not more, talent in that area than you, so get the fuck over yourself.
8. Excuses, schmexmuses.
9. I wish I could find the drive within me to work harder all of the time, not just when I desperately need to.
10. I can't wait until I have a few seconds to spend some QT with the bf. Lately, that concept is a rarity.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)