Francine <3

Once upon a time.....

[[this entire blog isn't really in past tense but I'll try to keep with tradition and use my normal heading]]

I have a significant other in my life named Francine. She is my baby, my pride and joy. I am after all a euphonium major. It is only right to name the instrument you will toil over for 4 (plus?) years, right?

I have such a love for music in general. I have a true passion for playing the euphonium, aka, Francine. I love the deep, soulful sound Francine has been known to make.

Playing is an incredibly emotional experience for me.

Seriously, I take out all of the anger, sadness, joy, what have you, on my euphonium. My best performance to date was on a day I wanted to sob for hours (don't worry, I did that after I played). I was able to channel my negative feelings into a beautiful, mournful piece by James Curnow.

If only there were more opportunities to play euphonium in the world. Really, there are barely any gigs one can find with a silly euphonium besides brass ensembles and militaristic groups. The chances of Francine making her professional debut are slim to none.

This is heart breaking in a way. I know that no matter how hard I try I won't be able to make a quarter of a living with my true life's passion. That's where the therapy in my major comes in (music therapy, huzzah =D)

The truth is very discouraging, but dammit, I'm still going to go for it. I want nothing more than to be able to play and perform.

As far as religion goes right now, I'm wandering down a confusing road.. Not even a road. It is a crude, path in the woods. I'm not sure what to believe some days. It's a whole lot of uncertainty. My faith used to be my source of certainty but I couldn't keep lying to myself and blindly following something I found I knew little about.

Music has begun to fill that void, maybe only temporarily. Still, if one thing in my tangled life is for certain, it's my love for music and performing.

My priorities:

1. Becoming the best musician I can be.

2. School (therapy and such)

3. Taking care of others who need a hand

4. Being the best friend and girlfriend possible.

5. Taking care of me

6. Pleasing my family..fitting the mold they wish me to fill.

7. Having some fun along the way...

There you have it. I recognize that my list of priorities could be in a few different orders, but the list I have above is the honest to goodness order I have kept for a while.

I am officially done purging the inner secrets of my soul...

Yep, that's all for now I suppose. Back to practicing. I'm working on a beautiful piece written originally for the trombone (but it sounds so much better on euphonium!), Morceau Symphonique by Alexandre Guilmant.

=D

sweetv